There are times when you have changing moments, I feel like I've had a year of them. As I've continued on the path of weight loss, all its ups, downs, and figuring out the heart change-not just being on a diet. Josh and I both made goals and one of mine included running a mile. Does that sound small and insignificant? Probably to most it does, and maybe even a little silly. Here's the thing. I've never run a full mile without walking or stopping. I was never athletic( and not claiming to be so now!) when I was younger, I played soccer in elementary and gave it up along with my one season of basketball and softball-boy was I awful at both of those sports! I moved on to my favorite past time of music and stuck with that. Running never appealed to me, but they actually make you do it in school-for a grade. My kids tell me they still do. I'm not trying to say they shouldn't-what I've never liked-what started my avoidance of running-is the fact that they timed you. If you were unable to get it done in a certain amount of time-you had to do it over, and over, and over. I'm not competitive, I didn't have a lot of determination, especially when it came to running. So I cheated. My gym class was about 50-60 kids, running around a track, and you were responsible for running the four laps and getting the time on your last lap. I jog/walked three. I had thought I had figured out how to do it so that the teacher didn't know I cheated-but looking back I'm sure they knew a lot of us did it. I always thought I had beat the system, I passed gym class(barely) and figured that part of my life was over. I realize now, I only cheated myself. I gave up on trying, gave up on getting better, and it only became easier to give up in other areas. I didn't have a plan for when I was going to attempt to run a mile, thought I would do it by fall and life got busy, so I put it on the back burner of-its too cold-I'll do it next year. Until I heard about the annual Turkey Trot. Its a fundraiser for the YMCA and they have a 1mile Family Fun Run. I always giggle when I hear "fun" and "run" in the same sentence. I've just never though of running as fun as for me, its hard work and hard work doesn't equate to fun. I figured I'd sign up our whole family and take the pressure off myself of actually running the whole mile without stopping. If you take your kids, of course you will have to stop, and then the blame rests on them, not myself...right?? As I was signing up I realized we would not be able to afford for all of us to participate, and couldn't figure how to only take a few of the kids,so to be fair(to them) I was the only one that signed up. I planned to meet a friend as she was signed up with her family and felt glad I wasn't going to do this alone but I got nervous the week of the race. What was I doing? I have NEVER participated in any race, I didn't know what I was doing-where did I pin the paper on my shirt, what do I wear if its cold-or warm and then the doubt and pressure crept in. This was it, I had a chance to finally get over a hurdle and embarrassing moment in my life of being a mile cheater. I've been losing weight, training in the gym, but could I run one mile-and not stop? I prayed on the drive down that morning, asking God to give me strength of mind. I knew I wouldn't be able to do this alone, as I've so easily given up in this area especially in my life, I needed God to get me through it. I can't say I had a peace that this was it, I was going to do it, but I did know that He was with me, whether I was going to make it..or not. As I started out I was in awe of the people around me-kids, adults, dogs, people with strollers, people in wheelchairs.. all smiling, some laughing, there were having fun. I tried to adjust my pace as I could tell I was going too fast and would burn out quickly. I had no idea where I was going-I had looked at the map of the route-but even though this was my city and I've driven this street I'm jogging on a million times, I, as usual, didn't understand the map. I followed the crowd and got to a point where I realized we were going up a street and then coming up on the turn-a-round. I started to struggle, feeling a little like I wasn't going to be able to make it, if I hadn't made the halfway point-how was I going to get to the end?? The halfway point came up before I knew it and I was on my way back and still considering giving up. It felt too long, too hard and started to tell myself it was okay, I could try to do the mile another day, but then God showed up-audibly. It wasn't His voice particularly, but the voice of my friend's friend. She was encouraging her daughter, her very young daughter that she could do it. It was a constant stream of encouragement, telling her daughter she could do this, telling her how to breathe a cramp in her side out, not to give up, the end was in coming up and she was going to make it. I listened to those beautiful words, and took them for myself-and thanked God for putting her next to me at that moment in time. Suddenly I saw the banner of the finish line and got excited-I was going to do it. The closer I got I was able to see the sign with the time on it, and felt a bit of disappointment as it wasn't what I expected to see, but shoved that off as I realized that wasn't why I was there. I was merely feet away from completing a whole mile, running(okay jogging) non-stop. I'm not ashamed to say that the tears came quickly and I was elated that I had overcome.. I made it.. I completed another goal. I quickly hugged my friend as I passed through the finish line and kept walking as I was so overcome with emotion I needed a minute to let it set in. One mile. Nothing big or life changing to others-but to me-it meant so much. I didn't give up, God gave me the strength to get through and accomplish this goal.
Turkey Trot 2012
My number means I was in the 1 mile, not the 5 mile race. To me, it represents the first race I've ever participated in. The first time I've ever run one mile. That putting God first in my life, He can accomplish great things through me.
