Sometimes things just don't fall into place like I want.

I have great intentions.
I think about them, dream about them and see myself where I want to be-getting there is the problem.
I have great determination...sometimes. I've determined, my determination. .has ADHD. I start out all fired up-only to putter out to start on something else, or deal with whatever has popped up that is, obviously, way more important.
Maybe the problem is focusing on too much at once?
I see things in other people that I admire, were they always this way, does it come easy to them, did they have to fight tooth and nail to be where they are?
Growing up I'd always considered myself average. Average height, weight, looks, personality. Average is fine, sometimes it puts ya right in the middle. Not a bad spot to be-until average  in some areas, takes a downward spiral to "less than".
We all want to fit in, to be accepted, sometimes even appreciated.
Abandoned and lonely are things most people fear. Its a fear of mine. It can make you feel desperate-and people can get stupid when they get desperate.
Desperation can also lead to Redemption. Always, when I get to the end of my rope and fear, loneliness and desperation kick in, I remember Who created me. When determination fails, self loathing seeps in and desperation occurs-He was there-always there with arms wide open, just waiting for me to finally turn and cry out for help.
Why I wait until I'm at the bottom and end of the rope, I'll never understand. How much easier and peaceful my walk would be. 
The song in my heart is from Hillsong, Forever Reign:
You are good
You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love
You are love
On display for all to see
You are light
You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope
You are hope
You have covered all my sin

(Verse 2)
You are peace
You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true
You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy
You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life
You are life
In You death has lost its sting

(Chorus)
Oh I'm running to Your arms
I'm running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

(Verse 3)
You are more
You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord
You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here
You are here
In Your presence I'm made whole
You are God
You are God
Of all else I'm letting go

(Bridge)
Hallelujah forever
All the glory forever
All the praise to You

My heart will sing
No other name
Jesus Jesus

Is there a promise as great as that? He is God. So simple, so true, so comforting. In the depths of my heart, He is the Only One-I pray one day my life will be that all out example, that my valley's won't be so low and when I run to His arms, it won't be because of my lowest desperation, it'll be because He is my King, and there's no other place I'd rather be.
http://youtu.be/wZ3KIXadMoY