Your Child is Not Your Best Friend

We got off track a bit in our house and I was caught off guard at how frustrated I was daily with my kids' attitudes, behaviors, lack of respect and most of  all lack of responsibility. I looked at their room, watched their behavior with me and each other, listened to what they said and I was not pleased with what I saw and heard. I don't know how we got here, but we're here and it's time to shut it down.
My first question I had to ask was, how did they get so irresponsible?? When did it become ok to throw shoes, coats, gloves, paper, apples, etc on the floor?? I literally watched my 5 year old take a bite out of an apple and proceed to then set it on the floor slightly under the chair, as if I'd never find it.

Mama lost it. 

I answered my own question within a day when I realized how much I direct their every step. As we walk in the door from school, I say the same thing I've said every day-

"Go hang up your coat, put your back pack on the table, put your shoes away and come back to work on homework." 

 Even though I've said that everyday(with a modification being there are no coats to put away) they still don't follow through, and as I've looked through backpacks and pulled out homework, made piles and gotten out pencils, I've neglected to follow through with checking that they did as told and have later found coats strewn on the floor of their room and "lost" shoes by next morning.  I'm figuring that by ages 9,7 and 5(I'll give the 5yr old a tiny bit of leeway as this is her first year of school, but not much) they know to hang up their coat, put their shoes away and get their own homework out. 

Basically I'm teaching them to BE irresponsible.  

I gave them the details yesterday. I'm not going to repeat myself. You know that when we get home from school, we do the same routine everyday, and I should not have to tell you what to do-you need to just do it. Not doing what you know you are to do will result in a consequence for failed behavior. 

My oldest was the first to cop  an attitude and got the first punishment this morning. I let my husband give it out as I was fighting the urge to let it go. I didn't want her day ruined at school because she disobeyed and we had to punish her. I knew he was right and let him punish her and we both hugged her and told her we loved her before she left. How easy it would be to let it go and "deal with it later" when probably we'd both forget and we'd stay in the same routine. I don't know about you, but I know as an adult even, that when I make a mistake, something hurts me in a situation, I make sure I don't do it again. I don't want my children to hurt, but the small hurt now will save from a big hurt later. 

I'm in charge of growing my children to be responsible, contributing members of society, to learn to support themselves financially and most of all I pray that they know, love and serve God. 

We all learn from our failures and mistakes. If I direct every step of my children's lives, expecting them to do little, never letting them learn from their own mistakes, I'm failing as a parent. They may not like me too much right now, but its not my job to be their friend.  Hopefully one day they will understand that. When they grow up, have kids of their own and realize what I'm doing is for their best interest, just like my parents did with me, we can be great friends, like my mom and I are now.