Frustration and Discipline

These two words can sum up my past two weeks.

Frustration because I took my eyes off what I should have been doing and focused on a bunch of other crap that in the end, is spurring me on to something greater.

A few years ago I had stopped watching morning news programs. I would occasionally see something if I was checking the morning weather but wouldn't sit and watch for hour(s) like I had before. After I stopped watching then would see something, awful be it a news story and or horrible slanted reporting, I'd rant and rave and shut it off yet again. I've been moving slower in the morning, we'd had every other day waking up to falling snow and I'd get on the TV to see if we had a school delay or cancellation. So I yet again, got caught up in one story or another and started getting frustrated. The reporting, the slanting, the stories of awful things people did-on and on. During that time one of the stories was about Paula Deen. The whole world is upset with her for her cooking and not being up front about her diabetes. I saw this absolutely ridiculous segment with Matt Lauer and "The Power Players" as they like to call themselves-complete nobody's if you ask me. So these "Power Players" are Star Jones, Donnie Deutsch, and Dr. Nancy Schneiderman(spelling probably wrong-sorry) They all weighed in (no pun intended, ok maybe a lil intended!) on Paula Deen's situation.  The thing that got me the most was the Dr.'s comment as the conversation switched to Paula Deen-to Gov. Chris Christie.
The "good" Dr. said, Gov. Christie shouldn't run for Pres. now or ever, because he is unfit. If he tried to get in the Army, he'd be rejected for his weight, the same standard should be for a Presidency. How we would know that Mr. Christie would be able to push himself away from the dinner table and make a Presidential decision?

Its not a verbatim comment, but you can find the video and that is basically her take, and I have to say, I completely disagree.

Yes, this subject hits close to home, as weight is my struggle as well. What struck me is, so if I am overweight, anyone is overweight, they are unfit to lead? Unfit to make decisions? Being heavy is nothing to be proud of, and it is a symbol of brokenness, I will be the first to admit that. My weight is my shame, and honestly its my biggest failure. I have many faults, some you can't see, some you can-this one you can see, and its something I struggle with daily, but that makes me unfit to be a leader? To make a good decision? I am realizing that I'm probably judged on my weight anytime I walk into a room and that snap judgements will be made on who I am as a person, what kind of life I live, because of how I look.I don't want to worry about how I look or what I weigh as the measure of my life, but I think this society does and from now on will do so.
 If we judged everyone by their weight as equal to their brains-we'd be a very stupid society.
Did  we judge our current President on his smoking habit? I'm sure I remember it being talked about but not in this form, that it would render him incapable of making good decisions, which, if you ask me, might actually be true. (don't stone me I"m kidding.. or am I? ha)

I started hearing the word "discipline" tossed around and it hit me. I'm so undisciplined in so many areas in my life, that's what I'm missing, and that's why I'm frustrated so much.
I was undisciplined to keep the morning news off
                              to exercise daily
                              to read my Bible daily
                              to pray daily
 and really the list could go on and on.


So that is my goal for every day, to learn to be disciplined in my life, in all I do, though I will have to start small to get there, but I will get there. I will also have to realize that in this life, people will fail, I will fail, but God never fails and when my hope, my everything is placed in Him, my life will be as it should be.

Exodus 14:14 The Lord Himself will fight for you, Just stay calm

Your Child is Not Your Best Friend

We got off track a bit in our house and I was caught off guard at how frustrated I was daily with my kids' attitudes, behaviors, lack of respect and most of  all lack of responsibility. I looked at their room, watched their behavior with me and each other, listened to what they said and I was not pleased with what I saw and heard. I don't know how we got here, but we're here and it's time to shut it down.
My first question I had to ask was, how did they get so irresponsible?? When did it become ok to throw shoes, coats, gloves, paper, apples, etc on the floor?? I literally watched my 5 year old take a bite out of an apple and proceed to then set it on the floor slightly under the chair, as if I'd never find it.

Mama lost it. 

I answered my own question within a day when I realized how much I direct their every step. As we walk in the door from school, I say the same thing I've said every day-

"Go hang up your coat, put your back pack on the table, put your shoes away and come back to work on homework." 

 Even though I've said that everyday(with a modification being there are no coats to put away) they still don't follow through, and as I've looked through backpacks and pulled out homework, made piles and gotten out pencils, I've neglected to follow through with checking that they did as told and have later found coats strewn on the floor of their room and "lost" shoes by next morning.  I'm figuring that by ages 9,7 and 5(I'll give the 5yr old a tiny bit of leeway as this is her first year of school, but not much) they know to hang up their coat, put their shoes away and get their own homework out. 

Basically I'm teaching them to BE irresponsible.  

I gave them the details yesterday. I'm not going to repeat myself. You know that when we get home from school, we do the same routine everyday, and I should not have to tell you what to do-you need to just do it. Not doing what you know you are to do will result in a consequence for failed behavior. 

My oldest was the first to cop  an attitude and got the first punishment this morning. I let my husband give it out as I was fighting the urge to let it go. I didn't want her day ruined at school because she disobeyed and we had to punish her. I knew he was right and let him punish her and we both hugged her and told her we loved her before she left. How easy it would be to let it go and "deal with it later" when probably we'd both forget and we'd stay in the same routine. I don't know about you, but I know as an adult even, that when I make a mistake, something hurts me in a situation, I make sure I don't do it again. I don't want my children to hurt, but the small hurt now will save from a big hurt later. 

I'm in charge of growing my children to be responsible, contributing members of society, to learn to support themselves financially and most of all I pray that they know, love and serve God. 

We all learn from our failures and mistakes. If I direct every step of my children's lives, expecting them to do little, never letting them learn from their own mistakes, I'm failing as a parent. They may not like me too much right now, but its not my job to be their friend.  Hopefully one day they will understand that. When they grow up, have kids of their own and realize what I'm doing is for their best interest, just like my parents did with me, we can be great friends, like my mom and I are now. 

Boundaries-Choices

I've read the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend a few times now and its been life changing for me.
 Why have I read it multiple times? Well, basically because I am someone who needs things beat into my life, I can't just hear something do it, and change myself.  I take the "easy road". The road that looks pretty, safe, and simple. Yet as I walk it, I realize my mistake and as I reach to smell the rose on the lovely path, the thorn cuts, the dream fades and my eyes are opened to the fact that the pretty, safe, simple way is really an illusion.
 So I picked it up again after some unpleasant things went on and Josh and I both realized we have to fix the problem we keep having with some people. The book is just so good though, that it didn't just hit me in on area, it hit me in multiple areas.
 Currently I'm convicted on this one tiny paragraph on choices. It starts explaining on choices lead to the fruit of self-control(Galatians 5:3) The common problem with choices, it explains, is disowning them-laying them at someone else. They lay out how we use the words, "I had to", "She/he made me" when explaining why we did/didn't do something.

I do this all the time

Sad, embarrassing and true. Here's my best example. 

"Hey Josh, we're going to have to go out to eat tonight, pick something up and bring it home. I got caught up with work today, the kids were awful, I had extra errands to run, I'm cramping, I'm tired, I didn't start the dishwasher and well, basically, we have no groceries either." 

True story.

I've made about 50 bad choices in exchange for not making my family a meal, then blamed it on my family, my work, my body... the list goes on.  I'm realizing I make a lot of bad choices, excuse or blame them away and hardly ever take responsibility for them or even come close to changing them. 

Paul in Romans 8:13 explains it very simply how our choices can have dire consequences-, if we choose to live by the Spirit, we will live, if we choose to follow our sinful nature, we will die. 

One of many things I need to work on this year, rather, every day, to change this behavior around and get rid of it. 

I know it isn't going to be easy, I'm not particularly looking forward to it, but I know I will be a better me once I can conquer this sin in my life.