Getting Personal about weight loss

   It's no secret that I've struggled with my weight for quite a few years now. I've never been a dieter, I never worked out hardcore, I always thought if I put a little bit of effort in, the weight would just come off. 

Unfortunately that is not the case. 

    I never thought I was someone that had food issues. I ate what I wanted, I worked out when I wanted and let every day things of life come first. I've always been uncomfortable about where I fit in in general, but when I started to feel uncomfortable in my own skin,  putting on my clothes, going out in public, having people see what I'd done to myself-I knew I had to make big changes.

I had seen great results from Stroller Strides classes, and it was probably the best exercise class I've gone to-physically demanding and challenging, and fun at the same time! Unfortunately my work schedule had gotten busier and the times didn't work for me to keep that up and I had to let it go. One of the major things I loved about the class is that you don't have to walk into a gym, clueless, surrounded by athletes and feel inferior. I could go to class, surrounded by mom's, women, and an amazing instructor who for an hour, would tell me exactly what to do and workout with others who were feeling the burn right there with you.  

    So I reluctantly signed up for the gym, knowing I had to do this, on my own, and that was daunting. 

Little did I know, that was the best thing for me. I had too long relied on others to tell me what I should be doing for working out, when, how, where... I needed to realize my responsibility in this journey and go for it. I'm sure I looked lost in the gym-and probably still do at times-but I made it a point to get there. Sometimes at weird hours, occasionally I found stuff to do at home when getting to the gym that day was impossible, the point is, I made a choice-and each day I continue to make a choice. 

    A major part of this journey is God. I "knew" that God was in every part of my life, wanted Him to be in every part of my life-though I completely neglected giving my weight over to Him. This may sound odd, but other then feeling uncomfortable in my skin-the conviction I got from the food I would eat, the lazy habits I chose was not to be denied. I couldn't deny that God wanted much more from me than to let food and laziness have any control in my life. I picked up the book Made to Crave and was floored by the truth hidden inside. It's not a lengthy book, but I couldn't put it down and had to reread chapters as I didn't want to miss a thing. I have learned that the Lord wants so much more for me, that  surrendering every single part of my life is vital to my relationship with Him. My weight could no longer be ignored, He wanted me to deal with it and I still am-daily. My weakness gave way to His strength-and He gets all the glory for any changes I've made.

During this time Josh also started a new gym and that's where a lot of our big changes started happening. I hadn't been consistent enough nor made enough food changes to really see a difference, though when Josh met Grant with QC Barbell and started his program we both started changing. We completely changed our food habits, watched everything we ate and worked out hard. Having Josh so fired up about the gym and our eating habits helped fuel me to keep going and working together on this has brought us closer. We now are both on a food program, Medifast, with Take Shape for Life. We buy their food, and it pretty much has made it easy. We started eating 5 of their meals 1 lean and green of our own,then it goes down to 4 and 2, 3 and 3, etc. until you have reached your weight loss goal and are eating healthy on your own. You can check it out Take Shape for Life

The bottom line for me is, I feel better. I'm not yet at the goal weight I set, but I'm working towards it and I'm excited about getting there.  I'm not doing this half-hearted anymore, I'm not waiting for all the kids to be in school to focus on me, I'm choosing to fit it in whenever I can, each day. Some days are more of a struggle than others, and that's why God is so vital and important-He is in everything, He made me, He is my everything, so my help comes from Him. 

So that's it, laid it all out there-stay tuned-more updates to follow!

Away from Home

So, I'm away from my family for a week long training for work. In theory this sounded like a good idea. Get extra training, *hopefully* get a certification, do much better at my job, and enjoy some time away.

In reality- I had major anxiety about leaving, especially the day of, I'm in the middle of my week now and miss my family SO much.  I'm sitting in a classroom for 8 hours a day and though I'm trying to meet other people in class, I still feel so lonely.

I also have major guilt about leaving my family, feeling selfish and keep asking myself-what am I doing? Why am I doing this? My head knows I'm doing the right thing, my heart speaks volumes louder and I spend most of class time wondering how my kids are doing, I can't sleep wondering if anyone misses me and how much I miss their hugs and kisses.

Last week there was a media frenzy over a comment that was made about stay at home mom's. I kind of feel in the middle of a stay at home mom and working mom. My job is flexible that I can do it mostly from home, but there are weeks that I'm in the office 3-4 times a week, and then of course, now. I'm not even home. My job has taken me from home completely. I struggle with, is this right and good for my family? I feel I'm constantly evaluating the effect it has on my husband, kids, and the state of my house-which I imagine can't look too well at this moment in time. HA!

Every mom has to make the right choice for her family, and we need to not feel guilty about it. *I* need to stop feeling guilty about it! Now I'll say this to myself for the next 2 days and hopefully it will sink in??! :P

Even though I have to be away, I"m confident my husband is doing an amazing job with the kids-getitng in lots of  Daddy time and getting to do lots of things I normally say no to. OH to be fly on the wall there!

Thank goodness for Skype I get to see my kiddos each night so that helps my heart -some.

Crafting soap holders

I made these a few months ago, quite a few steps in the tutorial, but really fairly easy to put together. I love how easy it is to get to versus digging all over for it- a.k.a the bottom of my purse!
Tutorial here at a Lemon Squeezy Home-its a great tutorial!

Changes

Remember that scene from Mary Poppins when she's about to arrive and a huge wind blows all the other nannies away? Gosh I love that movie and that was one of my favorite parts. I sort of feel like that is happening in my life. Probably not quite the major windstorm that would be-though it would be fun to see some people in my life just blow away with the wind....(did I just say that out loud??) There's change a'blowin' in the wind!

I think change is good. It can be scary, but usually, change is for the better. One thing I can rest assured in, the current changes are with the Lord's guidance and that gives me peace.

I have been fighting some changes for a time now, and while I still am stubbornly holding onto some things, I have come to realize that change is inevitable. Knowing that if I want to grow and let the Lord mold me, I shouldn't even be surprised by change.
He is teaching me so much and this is what I love the most about the Lord. When I am actively seeking Him, when I am spending time with Him-He shows up-He speaks to my heart- He just loves on me in a way no human being can possibly even understand!
This past Sunday during worship He spoke to my heart. I stopped singing, I was too choked up, and then I felt that immense peace.
I was so shocked by the still.small.voice.

"See, I am making a new creation, I make all things new"

At that moment I had peace, which then later-of course as I let it marinate in my head-got a bit fearful. What part is being made new? When? I had to cut out the frantic thinking and just let it rest. One thing I need to remember is to actually do just that-rest. Let Him take care of all the details and stay in tune with Him so I know where to go, when to move. 

Change is coming-here's to God's new creation in me!

Frustration and Discipline

These two words can sum up my past two weeks.

Frustration because I took my eyes off what I should have been doing and focused on a bunch of other crap that in the end, is spurring me on to something greater.

A few years ago I had stopped watching morning news programs. I would occasionally see something if I was checking the morning weather but wouldn't sit and watch for hour(s) like I had before. After I stopped watching then would see something, awful be it a news story and or horrible slanted reporting, I'd rant and rave and shut it off yet again. I've been moving slower in the morning, we'd had every other day waking up to falling snow and I'd get on the TV to see if we had a school delay or cancellation. So I yet again, got caught up in one story or another and started getting frustrated. The reporting, the slanting, the stories of awful things people did-on and on. During that time one of the stories was about Paula Deen. The whole world is upset with her for her cooking and not being up front about her diabetes. I saw this absolutely ridiculous segment with Matt Lauer and "The Power Players" as they like to call themselves-complete nobody's if you ask me. So these "Power Players" are Star Jones, Donnie Deutsch, and Dr. Nancy Schneiderman(spelling probably wrong-sorry) They all weighed in (no pun intended, ok maybe a lil intended!) on Paula Deen's situation.  The thing that got me the most was the Dr.'s comment as the conversation switched to Paula Deen-to Gov. Chris Christie.
The "good" Dr. said, Gov. Christie shouldn't run for Pres. now or ever, because he is unfit. If he tried to get in the Army, he'd be rejected for his weight, the same standard should be for a Presidency. How we would know that Mr. Christie would be able to push himself away from the dinner table and make a Presidential decision?

Its not a verbatim comment, but you can find the video and that is basically her take, and I have to say, I completely disagree.

Yes, this subject hits close to home, as weight is my struggle as well. What struck me is, so if I am overweight, anyone is overweight, they are unfit to lead? Unfit to make decisions? Being heavy is nothing to be proud of, and it is a symbol of brokenness, I will be the first to admit that. My weight is my shame, and honestly its my biggest failure. I have many faults, some you can't see, some you can-this one you can see, and its something I struggle with daily, but that makes me unfit to be a leader? To make a good decision? I am realizing that I'm probably judged on my weight anytime I walk into a room and that snap judgements will be made on who I am as a person, what kind of life I live, because of how I look.I don't want to worry about how I look or what I weigh as the measure of my life, but I think this society does and from now on will do so.
 If we judged everyone by their weight as equal to their brains-we'd be a very stupid society.
Did  we judge our current President on his smoking habit? I'm sure I remember it being talked about but not in this form, that it would render him incapable of making good decisions, which, if you ask me, might actually be true. (don't stone me I"m kidding.. or am I? ha)

I started hearing the word "discipline" tossed around and it hit me. I'm so undisciplined in so many areas in my life, that's what I'm missing, and that's why I'm frustrated so much.
I was undisciplined to keep the morning news off
                              to exercise daily
                              to read my Bible daily
                              to pray daily
 and really the list could go on and on.


So that is my goal for every day, to learn to be disciplined in my life, in all I do, though I will have to start small to get there, but I will get there. I will also have to realize that in this life, people will fail, I will fail, but God never fails and when my hope, my everything is placed in Him, my life will be as it should be.

Exodus 14:14 The Lord Himself will fight for you, Just stay calm

Your Child is Not Your Best Friend

We got off track a bit in our house and I was caught off guard at how frustrated I was daily with my kids' attitudes, behaviors, lack of respect and most of  all lack of responsibility. I looked at their room, watched their behavior with me and each other, listened to what they said and I was not pleased with what I saw and heard. I don't know how we got here, but we're here and it's time to shut it down.
My first question I had to ask was, how did they get so irresponsible?? When did it become ok to throw shoes, coats, gloves, paper, apples, etc on the floor?? I literally watched my 5 year old take a bite out of an apple and proceed to then set it on the floor slightly under the chair, as if I'd never find it.

Mama lost it. 

I answered my own question within a day when I realized how much I direct their every step. As we walk in the door from school, I say the same thing I've said every day-

"Go hang up your coat, put your back pack on the table, put your shoes away and come back to work on homework." 

 Even though I've said that everyday(with a modification being there are no coats to put away) they still don't follow through, and as I've looked through backpacks and pulled out homework, made piles and gotten out pencils, I've neglected to follow through with checking that they did as told and have later found coats strewn on the floor of their room and "lost" shoes by next morning.  I'm figuring that by ages 9,7 and 5(I'll give the 5yr old a tiny bit of leeway as this is her first year of school, but not much) they know to hang up their coat, put their shoes away and get their own homework out. 

Basically I'm teaching them to BE irresponsible.  

I gave them the details yesterday. I'm not going to repeat myself. You know that when we get home from school, we do the same routine everyday, and I should not have to tell you what to do-you need to just do it. Not doing what you know you are to do will result in a consequence for failed behavior. 

My oldest was the first to cop  an attitude and got the first punishment this morning. I let my husband give it out as I was fighting the urge to let it go. I didn't want her day ruined at school because she disobeyed and we had to punish her. I knew he was right and let him punish her and we both hugged her and told her we loved her before she left. How easy it would be to let it go and "deal with it later" when probably we'd both forget and we'd stay in the same routine. I don't know about you, but I know as an adult even, that when I make a mistake, something hurts me in a situation, I make sure I don't do it again. I don't want my children to hurt, but the small hurt now will save from a big hurt later. 

I'm in charge of growing my children to be responsible, contributing members of society, to learn to support themselves financially and most of all I pray that they know, love and serve God. 

We all learn from our failures and mistakes. If I direct every step of my children's lives, expecting them to do little, never letting them learn from their own mistakes, I'm failing as a parent. They may not like me too much right now, but its not my job to be their friend.  Hopefully one day they will understand that. When they grow up, have kids of their own and realize what I'm doing is for their best interest, just like my parents did with me, we can be great friends, like my mom and I are now. 

Boundaries-Choices

I've read the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend a few times now and its been life changing for me.
 Why have I read it multiple times? Well, basically because I am someone who needs things beat into my life, I can't just hear something do it, and change myself.  I take the "easy road". The road that looks pretty, safe, and simple. Yet as I walk it, I realize my mistake and as I reach to smell the rose on the lovely path, the thorn cuts, the dream fades and my eyes are opened to the fact that the pretty, safe, simple way is really an illusion.
 So I picked it up again after some unpleasant things went on and Josh and I both realized we have to fix the problem we keep having with some people. The book is just so good though, that it didn't just hit me in on area, it hit me in multiple areas.
 Currently I'm convicted on this one tiny paragraph on choices. It starts explaining on choices lead to the fruit of self-control(Galatians 5:3) The common problem with choices, it explains, is disowning them-laying them at someone else. They lay out how we use the words, "I had to", "She/he made me" when explaining why we did/didn't do something.

I do this all the time

Sad, embarrassing and true. Here's my best example. 

"Hey Josh, we're going to have to go out to eat tonight, pick something up and bring it home. I got caught up with work today, the kids were awful, I had extra errands to run, I'm cramping, I'm tired, I didn't start the dishwasher and well, basically, we have no groceries either." 

True story.

I've made about 50 bad choices in exchange for not making my family a meal, then blamed it on my family, my work, my body... the list goes on.  I'm realizing I make a lot of bad choices, excuse or blame them away and hardly ever take responsibility for them or even come close to changing them. 

Paul in Romans 8:13 explains it very simply how our choices can have dire consequences-, if we choose to live by the Spirit, we will live, if we choose to follow our sinful nature, we will die. 

One of many things I need to work on this year, rather, every day, to change this behavior around and get rid of it. 

I know it isn't going to be easy, I'm not particularly looking forward to it, but I know I will be a better me once I can conquer this sin in my life.